A Strong, In-Between Place
The preschoolers at New Day Foster Home decorated felt hearts this week with thick princess stickers and crosses. They were crafting Mother’s Day gifts for the women who care for them in the in-between times — at night, during breakfast and dinner, over weekends, and every other moment when weekly staff and teachers aren’t around.
The delivery of the heart pictured above was especially sweet. The preschooler spied her foster home mother on the other side of a hallway window. The preschooler then stood on her tiptoes … trying to catch her home mother’s attention … her face bright and expectant with what surely was a profound sense of love.
We toured China’s Great Wall today … as I think I’m starting to mourn the end of this year-long journey. The symptoms are everywhere: I’m irritable, I lack concentration, I’m distracted by nothing in particular, my reflective times are wooden and herky jerky … and I daydream an endless stream of images from our journey’s in-between times.
(We haven’t gained a new child, by the way … only a new friend, named Harry … who’s living with his family in our current community.)
In between photos taken today like the one above … there were conversations with amateur archivists taking wax paper rubbings from 500-year-old Wall inscriptions, there were careful moments with each boy maneuvering down wide, rocky gaps in the Wall, there was deep fatigue after tackling steep inclines, there were gusts of air blowing through empty guard towers, there were a few minutes alone on an overgrown portion of the Wall, and there was the glimpse of a crow sailing overhead upon a warm gust of air.
Memories of these in-between moments are apparently where I go when I’m mourning the loss of something. I re-live the details … re-living them more intensely as emotions get more intense.
I realize tonight that I somehow find strength in these details. I find strength in the details — even the images — of the in-between.
I also find strength as I hold up these thoughts for you … as if I’ve been using them to decorate a felt heart as a gift … and I can’t wait on the other side of a window to press it in to your hand.
I understand the emotions…with 4-5wks till pack out we are hitting the “lasts” stage (last time for this or that activity) and we are all responding in different ways.
I recall our visit to the great wall – perhaps 15 – 20 years ago. I was asked to have my photo taken with a little old man – very happy to do so – after, I asked our guide why – he said the little old man was visiting family and had never see a “white round eye” before.
Oh, such a beautiful picture of you guys at the Great Wall! What a gorgeous day! Can imagine the conflicting emotions. But you will have memories to savor for a lifetime.
Fabulous pictures of the Great Wall.Never expected it to be in such beautiful scenery. HOw much of it did you walk?
Thanks for processing outloud! So glad you got a clear day on the Wall. Fun to see Harry in the photo, too! Erik got a kick out of that, as they spent quite a bit of time together.
Thanks for taking us to the Great Wall and to “your Felt Heart” by sharing your feelings of the impending close of the Grand Adventure…mourning what’s to end. My prayer for you is that you are fully Present in your present–that the mourning can grow into savoring as well.
Also, I pray that you will see how your family has been forever changed by this year and that really the Grand Adventure never really stops–just less locale changes! Plus, we all miss you and want you back among us! Jennifer Greenleaf and I were just remarking how we really feel your family’s absence in our TFCA community!Lovingly and longingly for you ALL home, Ruthie
Sorry to see this adventure end, too. I have been carried along with the your journey. Hope to see you in Monteagle and hear more. This has been a beautiful experience for me and I am sure others, also.
will pray for your next few weeks, and the transition back to ‘normal’ life, which probably won’t feel so normal any more. Looks like your day at the wall couldn’t have been more picture perfect. China is an amazing land.