The Exhilarating Gift

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48266 is the number once used by local operators to dial my father’s home in Shelby, Ohio.

Dad shared that detail with me recently while on safari. We were standing next to each other one afternoon as our safari jeep rumbled along, with our heads poking through its roof windows.

We talked of his birthplace, his parents, his home. It’s a conversation that leads to deep well of questions for me, like the bedtime story a child asks for over and over. The grandparents I never knew. Small town. Small church. Big industry. And … music.

Music was part of everything, Dad tells me. He played in a jazz band led by my grandfather. My grandfather led the church choir. My grandmother played the piano. My dad fell for music and the trombone early … and that passion has stayed with him to this day.

He toyed with pursuing music as a profession. At some point, though, my Dad decided to go a different direction. He went to the Navy, to law school, then a long legal career.

“My parents didn’t want me to pursue music,” Dad explained in the safari jeep. Music wasn’t sensible in those days. He was encouraged to seek out more practical professions.

Dad talked of some regret, yes … but it’s also true that he and his brother are now playing regular jazz gigs in a Brooklyn club. He’d always dreamed of being a paid musician in New York. Now he is.

Of the MOST interest to me, however, is how Dad has harnessed and wrestled with and tried to ignore and reignited his passion, passion, passion for music over the years. We talked of these things, too. Music is so powerful, so consuming, so emotional … that it is at the same time intensely exhilarating … and intensely painful. I want it so badly, but cannot engage with it in pieces that are too small  or too unpracticed or too unperfect.

It’s hard to explain … but I stumbled through an attempt to explain that afternoon with Dad on safari, as he stood next to me.

This is how he responded: “It’s that way for me, too.”