My Eyes, Your Ears
W and H recently paraded around our apartment dressed as mom and dad — wearing our footwear, speaking our expressions, and sporting accurate hairstyles. They even asked everyone to leave the room so they could have a private conversation.
It’s true that we’ve chosen to pursue this year away to nurture family moments just like their comic parade. It’s also true that our marriage — the actual one — needs a healthy dose of nurturing, too.
S and I started a DVD series last night to force ourselves to think (only) about our marriage. (It comes highly recommended and can be found here.) Participants are occasionally asked to talk through some questions, starting with this:
“Tell each other your strongest memory of the first time you met and what first attracted you to one another.”
Sure, it was hilarious that both S and I started the DVD a little too late last night … and we were yawning and yawning as we gamely launched in to memories of our first meeting. The question, though, did help us go back to those early days at William and Mary.
Turns out — just hours later — I just happened to read this poem about the very same topic, entitled “The First Day” by Christina Georgina Rosetti:
I wish I could remember the first day,
first hour, first moments of your meeting me;
if bright or dim the season, it might be.
Summer or Winter for aught I can say.
so unrecorded did it slip away.
So blind was I to see and to forsee,
so dull to mark the budding of my tree,
that would not blossom for many a May.
If only I could recollect it!
Such a day of days!
Let it come and go
as traceless as a thaw of bygone snow.
It seemed to mean so little, meant so much!
If only now I could recall that touch,
first touch of hand in hand! — Did one but know!
Reading that poem, I realized S and I had left out a simple, deeply important bit of narrative when recalling our relationship’s earliest days: If only now I could recall that touch, first touch of hand in hand!
We’d forgotten how powerful a simple, reciprocated TOUCH had been — on the arm, on a hand. Remember? We’re falling in love. We’re spending a lot of time with each other. I touch your hand. And you touch back! I’m falling in love all over again! Kaboom!
I was reflecting on the last two lines of Rosetti’s poem during a walk through town today. I thought: Perhaps simple touches are ingredients to nurturing a marriage during a round-the-clock round-the-world adventure with three boys? A touch on the arm? A lingered glance in to S’s eyes? A quick kiss in the kitchen? Then … I noticed an elderly couple walking ahead of me on the sidewalk.
They leaned in to each other. He had his right hand on the back of her left arm.
They were carrying some heavy bags, and she appeared to be struggling.
Upon reaching them, I said hello and offered to carry her bags because we seemed to be headed in the same direction. He smiled, said they were fine … then explained that he was blind. She mouthed “I’m deaf.” (For real.)
She was his eyes. He was her ears. And they were headed somewhere together. Touching.
I wished them a good journey … then walked on, still reflecting on my own.
I went from Laugh-out-loud (the boys capture you two perfectly!!)to misty eyes (the way life sometimes shows up with just what you need).
Tearing. Up. Big sigh. This is beautiful. A year of this…imagine…what a tremendous experiential (what else is there?) gift from our God, from whom ONLY GOOD does come. Thank you.
You are a wise man. We do need to remember those first moments when were falling in love. After 43 years, it is still the little things my husband does that mean the most. I am so enjoying your posts. This is going to be an amazing year for all of you.
Suby and Jim, I am savoring every post and find myself looking forward to them each day for a chuckle, encouragement, and even a tear for posts like this. Randall and I just celebrated 25 years and feel like new now that our kids are being launched. You guys are doing great things and ministering to many as you travel. Great blessings to your family. Nancy
On the Saturday mornings when I get up early and go to a nearby park to run, I often see elderly couples walking the paths hand and hand. It always makes me smile and hope that we’ll be doing that at their age!